Hell on Wheels

June 3, 2011 at 1:22 pm (Uncategorized)

This past almost year has been Hell on Wheels for me.  Literally.  We’ve been going back & forth to Lynchburg so many times I have almost forgotten where we actually live.  But we haven’t been to Lynchburg in almost a month which is really refreshing.

But the traveling isn’t the only thing that has been trying.  My personal heartbreak in Nov/Dec, my Uncle’s sudden death in Jan(& the trip to NY), the house, the fighting over the house(not between Nathan & I but between the Plumber, my Mom, & us), the kids have been extremely trying as of late, my health & our move.  Well, lets just say, my nerves have been on edge.

I have been extremely happy because I haven’t had a dizzy spell in almost 9 months.  Well, I ended up having a doozy & calling the Cardiologist & made an appt.  Well, I had to wait to go in & in the mean time I was EXHAUSTED.  How to I explain how tired I was?  Well, lets just say, I was falling asleep while I was supposed to be keeping an eye on Lucas & he took advantage of that by coloring on walls & cutting things up. So I would then eat to stay awake.  NOT a good idea!  I ended up gaining 10 lbs in a little less than 2 wks.  And for those who know me, I’m not a small girl to begin with.  I’ve been fighting with my weight for YEARS!!  Anyway, part of my heart condition symptoms is fatigue.  But I know I have to overcome that & push through it.  After going to the Cardiologist, I did find out that there is no further damage to my heart & basically all is well.  But I have to lose weight…  I am trying to pump myself up to do the Atkins thing again.  NOT easy.  But, it worked before, so why not again right?

Anyway, tomorrow is our “big” move.  Basically, we are moving to another apartment in the same complex.  We’ve done this 1 other time already, & I hope this time it goes smoother.  Or maybe this time I will be the one breaking the ankle instead of Nathan.  I could use a break.  🙂

Well, this Summer is going to be a busy one.  The move is tomorrow, I pick up Rachel & her 3 boys next Wed at the airport(in Richmond)-they will be staying for 2 wks, Nathan leaves for NC RIGHT after that-he will be dropping Rachel & the boys at the airport on his way to NC, I will head to Lynchburg with the kids for the wkend & Nathan will meet us there because that monday both Nathan & I have a dentist appt, first of July we are going to Kingsfest at Kings Dominion & camping, Tyler’s birthday is later in July, then Nathan wants to go to NY/Penn for a reunion & to see the farm(again), Nathan has to go to Florida at some point, I think Tenn, then he has to go to Va Beach for work & we are going to tag along(I think), then after that we have to start getting the boys ready for school.  All 3 this time!  OIY!

Yes, you heard me!  Lucas is registered for school next year!  This year hasn’t been hard enough already & with all the emotional mess that’s been going on, I have turned into an emotional monster!!  During Lucas’ Kinder Orientation they took the kids for a bus ride, WITHOUT the parents!!  I just about lost it in front of all those parents!!  Not too many parents were upset.  I have to think it is because they were already sending their kiddos to Daycare.  Anyway, I just don’t know what I’m going to do!!  I can’t really get a day job, 1-I don’t have any experience other than customer service, 2-Lucas will only gone for 3 hours, plus he will be going in the morning.  It would be different if he were going in the afternoon.  I could arrange for Nathan to be home at 3 so that he could pick the kids up off the bus.  But with Nathan’s job & him working so much lately, I don’t think that would be a good idea anyway.  So here I sit thinking about all the lonely time I’m going to have while Lucas is in school.

Yep, I’m an emotional roller coaster as of late.  I do hope God shows me what I should be doing or what direction to take.  I’m kinda getting irritated because I don’t have the answers to ANY of my questions lately.  Sometimes I’ve even wondered if God has forgotten about me or if He is just seeing what MY next step is.  But here’s the deal, I don’t know myself!  No doors have opened for me.  So it’s not like I can just say, “Ok, I’ve got 2 doors to choose from, which one do I take?” and then have to think about it.  Because there are NO DOORS.  In a way, I’m kinda just floating along.  Nathan wants to move to Florida, so if that happens, I go.  We have to move, so we are, I go.  Kids need something for school, I go.  Right NOW, I have no purpose in my life.  It’s kinda frustrating to be honest with you!  For almost 13 yrs, I’ve taken care of the kids.  Now all 3 are going off to school so I sit & think, “Now what?”  Someone joked & said, “Have another kid.”  Not that easy…  Part of me has even thought about getting a puppy(one the boys aren’t allergic to) to take care of during the day.  What do they call them?  “Fur-babies”?

Bah!  I guess I’ll just keep floating along.  Go where ever anyone takes me, God, Husband, kids…  Cause right now, I don’t see MY purpose and to be honest with you, it makes me kinda angry!  God put me here for a reason right?  So where do I go?!

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